At book club this week we were reading Brother Lawrence’s “The Practice of the Presence of God.” Which is quite ironic, seeing as how I haven’t felt God’s presence in quite awhile.
As tall Paul pointed out, people often spend lots of time thinking ABOUT God, but not much time WITH God. I have definitely fallen into that category lately. Other than the “God help me to not be scared right now” prayers, and the quick prayers I send up after I get a specific request (which happens because I know I won’t do it later), I would rather do anything else. And I have no idea why.
I nearly panicked when I discovered I was on prayer ministry tonight. And I dreaded going. Once I got there, I panicked again because I realized it’s useless asking me to wait on God and pray on behalf of others, when I can’t do it for myself.
And yet God is so faithful. Because when I do go to Him, He is so close. It used to take me awhile to actually feel His presence. Not today. It was instant. As if He wanted to assure me that He was indeed there, and ready as soon as I was.
Unfortunately that did not motivate me as it should have, and I feel like I am still struggling. I think it probably has to do with not wanting to face all of those things I’ve been learning about myself this year that need to be fixed. It’s like putting off a much-needed confrontational conversation with a friend.
I’ve never been good at confrontation, especially the divine kind.