We are going to have a baby! We are excited, thankful, and shocked. Not because we were not planning to grow our family, but because we tried for so long with no success. We hadn’t exactly given up hope…but we had stopped getting our hopes up. So while I suppose this is a pregnancy announcement, it is also so much more. It is just one part of our story, which began a long time ago. It’s a part of our story that not many people know about. Brené Brown, shame and vulnerability researcher, shared a piece of advice from her own experience: don’t share anything publicly that you haven’t already worked through on your own. We are very thankful for the few individuals who we did share with, who helped us walk through a difficult season. We had a lot of working through to do, and we’re not done, but here we are!
As excited as we are for what is to come, I cannot forget the past year, spent struggling through false alarms and high expectations, facing one pregnancy announcement and baby shower after another. I wanted to rejoice with my friends who were rejoicing, but I often found myself weeping through my own grief. Why do THEY get to have a baby? When will it be our turn?
To be honest, although it was hard, I hope that I never forget that year. Because statistically, one out of four women will go through something similar. I don’t ever want them to look at me and say “she has a baby. She doesn’t understand.” Because I have been there. I have cried the tears, I have been to the doctors appointments, I have tried my hardest to field off the “why don’t you guys have kids” questions with jokes and smiles instead of tears and depression. I have thought horrible things about teenagers and women who “accidentally” get pregnant. I have wanted to yell “don’t you understand?! I would give anything to be in your situation!!!” at women who publicly complain about morning sickness and outgrowing their pre pregnancy clothes.
Now that I am pregnant myself, I of course have had to suffer through the same morning sickness, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t complain (although I tried to keep it to my husband because I knew he wouldn’t think I was ungrateful). But when you’ve been through the struggle, you realize how hurtful some of these things can be—the April Fools Pregnancy Announcements, the continuous pestering about when you will start reproducing. So I’m going to try to keep it to a minimum out of respect for the 25 percent of women who are struggling with infertility. I know many who have been trying to conceive for much longer than we have, and I believe that their stories will become clear when the time is right. For now, we are rejoicing in the miracle that is growing within me and adjusting to the idea of being parents. Because even when you long for it for such a long time, when it actually happens, it is quite the shock! Thankfully we get a full 9 months to adjust to the idea! Four months down, five to go, as Baby Lindszlo is due to arrive in October 2016!