I feel like lately I have been running from God. Not in the usual sense. This time it feels like he is right in my face, trying to get my attention, and I am doing everything I can to avoid him- I’d rather read, journal, clean, check Facebook, shoot I’m even spending extra time reading my Bible as a way to avoid communicating with God. It’s not that I’m not learning anything- he’s still finding ways to teach me lessons and point out my failures. I’m just not taking the time to talk to him about it. It doesn’t make sense, really, because that should be the easy part. But it’s the way I like it- because I am good at Doing, not Being. I like to DO things to make myself better. The problem is the goal is not to be “better”- it’s to be more like Him. And the only way for that to happen is to BE with Him.
^^ I wrote this a month or so ago, but it still rings true today. I just finished reading Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire: What Happens When God’s Spirit Invades the Hearts of His People by Jim Cymbala, which was extremely convicting. At first it made me sad for the modern Church, as I have seen so many individual fellowships functioning off of their own effort, not allowing the Spirit any room or authority to work. But before I go searching for the speck in the church’s eye, I have to deal with the plank in my own.
Clearly this topic has been on my mind for quite some time now, and I know I’m not alone because I have had other friends mention they’ve been struggling with the same thing. Tonight I heard a missionary speak on worshipping God “in spirit and in truth,” (John 4:23-24) As we talked about what that meant, all I could think of was the times that I HAVE experienced that communion with the Spirit. It is indescribably glorious. And now in it’s absence my heart aches for it. Yet not enough for me to tear down the walls I have built up. Because that takes time. It takes effort. And it requires vulnerability and humility. Tonight’s speaker suggested we come before God in our flesh, asking Him to reveal to us the things that are keeping us from His presence. I think it’s finally time.
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